Discount Louboutins & The Today Show

During the day I work as a publicist promoting everything from Tina Turner, vaginal lubrication, UPTOWN Magazine, Chrysler, and my ex douche of a boyfriend, The CEO of a company that rhymes with Monco.  Why is he a douche?  Well he sent a postdated check but wanted me to start working immediately.  Need I say anymore?   Times are tough; Mama’s got to eat. 

In addition to my publicist hat, I’m also a stand up comic and can now add “inventor’ to my list of credits.  So I’m now Stand Up Comic/Actress/Publicist/Inventor.  I’ve developed a new product with Jackie Saril and Karen Mizrahi, two fierce biatches who rock their Louboutins while I do just fine in my Franco Sartos!

Just for shits and giggles, I’m a firm believer in ‘more bang for your buck’ and discovered there’s a Web site that sells discounted Louboutins!  www.christianlouboutindiscount.com. How cool is that? Jackie still thinks the shoes listed are counterfeits.

I first started working with Jackie & Karen on a launch of a new website www.celebrifantasy.com.  Jackie and Karen, the brains and boobs behind Squeakywheel Promotions, came up with hiring lookalikes of Eliot ”Ness” Spitzer, former Governor of New York, Amy Winehouse– before she lost a tooth– Paris Hilton and Britney Spears.  It was Genius. We had the four of them running all over New York City trailed by the TV cameras from Good Day New York, NY1 and CW11. Getting anything on TV is a huge success!

Success breeds success. We were on a roll.  One night, the three of us were out celebrating and I had three vodka sodas / three LIMES too many.  I staggered into the bathroom and my blackberry fell out of my bra into the toilet.  I couldn’t leave it in the bowl because it had my entire life in it.   I don’t know if you have ever dropped a phone in the john but the thought of fishing it out with my hand, washing the phone, and washing my hands over and over and over again, nearly caused this first class germaphobe to have a grand mal panic attack.

I returned to the table completely grossed out and Jackie asked what happened.  They both laughed at me (which is the role I fill for many) and said, “Your minimizer couldn’t hold your blackberry? It holds everything else.  You need a bra pocket!”

The three of started working, hanging, chatting, texting, and discovering that we all love to buy shit from television. Sham Wow, Pediegg (doesn’t work), Snuggies (feels like a used airplane blanket that doesn’t stay on) and the body shaper that holds you so tight you have gas for days, were all purchases. 

The next day after sobering up, Jackie said, “I was thinking about what happened to Marla’s Blackberry last night. Why don’t we develop something to sell since that’s what we do?”  “Well we should start with a bra pocket for Marl since she refuses to carry her purse to the loo!” chimed Karen. 

We put our collective brainpower together and birthed from our creative loins www.theracktrap.com. The Racktrap, if you must know, is an undetectable personal bra pocket that holds everyday essentials including license, cash and credit cards conveniently in your bra.  “It gives women the freedom to go purseless.”  Love that line.

Despite dire economic prognostications from every television pundit, the two fierce ‘Stella Stunnings” and I were full speed ahead on www.theracktrap.com.  When it was ready I pitched it to the Today Show and lo and behold it was on The Today Show with Kathie Lee and Hoda!

For any publicist, landing anything on The Today Show is like getting a lifetime free pass to shop at Louboutin. For this publicist, getting a lifetime pass to Marshalls would have the same effect!  I love it when my diva girlfriends say somewhat incredulously, “Hey Marl, love that dress. Where did you get it?” 

“Marshalls.”  That’s usually when they change the subject.   No matter how much money I make, don’t think I’ll ever get over the thrill of finding Donna Karen Couture at Marshalls for 50% off an already marked down price of $75!